Menanteau Serfontein

Menanteau Serfontein – 23 February 2021

Have you ever thought what you and I can do to stop the endemic violence in South Africa, including Gender-based Violence and Indecent Assault of Children?

In South Africa, during 1 April 2019 to 31 March 2020, the following crime statistics were recorded (The Source of most of the Statistics was Africa Check):

• 21 325 murders (58 per day or 2,4 per hour). Of these, 2 695 were women (or 7 per day) and 943 were children (or 3 per day)
• 165 494 cases of Common Assault (453 per day or 19 per hour)
• 205 959 cases of House Burglary (464 per day or 24 per hour)
• 51 825 cases of Common Robbery (142 per day or 6 per hour)
• 46 921 cases of Car and Motor Cycle Theft (129 per day)
• 18 162 cases of Car Hijacking
• 164 cases of Cash in Transit Heists
• 53 293 Sexual Offences (146 per day or 6 every hour)
• 42 289 reported cases of Rape (116 per day or 5 every hour)

I specifically wish to single out the sickening Gender-based Violence as well as the numerous cases of Assault, Violence and Indecency against children (girls and boys) which is out of control in South Africa. This type of evil barbarism is unthinkable and unfathomable, but incidents of this nature are nevertheless widespread.

I am sure that everyone will agree that all these figures are alarming to say the least. How did it happen that our society has descended to this level? What can you and I (and others in society) do to stem the tide and contribute to fundamental changes to the underlying causes for these statistics? The solutions are complex, but I firmly believe that one of the primary causes for these dire realities is the fact that people have lost the knowledge, understanding and application of what is “right (good)” and what is “wrong (bad)”.

There is clearly a desperate need for people to be taught from scratch the ABSOLUTE TRUTHS about “right vs wrong” and for values and norms to be adopted that are aligned with traditional humanity that transcend faith persuasions.

In several of the articles that have previously been posted on this Website, I have done my best to document the meaning, need and application of traditional universal values that are needed to be instilled for society to change. In this regard, listed below for ease of reference, are examples of articles that contain details of key principles:

• Character – What It Is and Why and How to Cultivate It
• The Need to Adhere to Traditional Universal (Absolute) Values and Principles
• Integrity and Honesty
• Duty, Trustworthiness, Reliability, Dependability and Faithfulness
• Respect, Honour and Dignity
• Self-Control and Self-Restraint

Ideally, all the values and principles contained in the above articles should be taught. However, in the context of the topic of this particular article that deals specifically with Violence and Assault, everyone must be taught from childhood and beyond, that any behaviour related to murder, assault, violence, gender-based violence and indecent abuse of children is WRONG and unacceptable and will not be tolerated. A new culture has to be created which teaches right from wrong at all times in all situations irrespective of the circumstances, i.e. to do what is right (even when no-one sees you), because it is the right thing to do.

Part of the “new culture” should include that it is immoral for a man to lift his hand against a woman (or vice versa) and that any form of child abuse is wrong, abhorrent and unacceptable.

This cannot continue. Learning right from wrong must be taught everywhere starting at home, school, government institutions, the private sector, at the workplace and in places of worship.

Enough is enough. Each one of us has a responsibility do our bit to make a difference.

Menanteau Serfontein – 16 February 2021

Roy T. Bennett says “Help others without any reason and give without the expectation of receiving anything in return.”

Generosity implies reaching out to others with kindness and being generous towards them. This can be done in numerous ways such as freely giving of your time, caring, empathy, compassion, encouragement, hospitality, prayer, providing hope and contributing towards material needs. A generous person is someone who does not merely live for himself, but cares about and for others as well, without expecting anything in return.

Joshua Becker says “Generosity makes our world a better place. It improves the life of the receiver. And it improves the life of the giver. Yet, despite the benefits, generosity is still too rare in our world today. Instead, our society craves and pursues more at every turn. We seek enjoyment by directing most of our resources towards our own pursuits: security, possessions, experiences, enjoyment, and luxury. Meanwhile, significant opportunities for generosity surround us every day at every turn. In order to un-conform our thinking in a consumer-driven world and begin taking greater advantage of the abundant benefits of generosity, we need to shift our worldview.” 

Below are a few more quotes about generosity that are worth remembering:

• “Generosity is the habit of giving freely without expecting anything in return.”  – Anonymous
• “Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.”  – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
• “Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.” – Jackie Chan
• “Do things for people not because of who they are or what they do in return, but because of who you are.” – S. Kushner
• “The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving.” – Albert Einstein
• “The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously.” – 2 Corinthians 9:6
• “Generosity isn’t an act. It’s a way of life.” – Chip Ingram

I would like to end with a quote by Og Mandini as a challenge to all of us: “Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” 

Menanteau Serfontein – 10 February 2021

Brian Tracy says “The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term, in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensable prerequisite for success”.

This statement is confirmed by research findings indicating that people with the ability to “delay gratification” are more likely to succeed. 

Delayed Gratification is the act of resisting an impulse to take an immediately available reward in return for obtaining a more-valued reward in the future. 

It appears to me that the principle of “delayed gratification” (sacrifice today for something better tomorrow) is not as well supported as it should be. There seems to be an increasing desire for “instant gratification”, i.e. “I want it and I want it now” without realising that in most instances, most things in life that are truly worthwhile, usually require a great deal of sacrifice, discomfort and effort that take time to accomplish.

In virtually all spheres of life, including sports, business, academic studies, becoming successful in one’s career and reaching financial goals, most of the people who have achieved great success would confirm the fact that what they have achieved, had a lot to do with self-control, sustained effort, hard work and sacrifice (short-term as well as long-term). Sacrifice could take various forms, for example giving up one’s free time and “going the extra mile” by exerting extraordinary effort or spending long hours on a worthwhile result that is being pursued (at the expense of something else that would have provided greater momentary enjoyment), or forfeiting certain luxuries in the short term by resisting spending money on “nice to haves” or on things that you can’t really afford. The trap of instant gratification is also a threat to people who are prone to procrastination – they find all sorts of excuses for avoiding to deal with the important, more difficult tasks or issues. Instead, they spend most of their time on irrelevant matters or embark on activities that they view as more enjoyable than tackling the important matters that often have long-term implications. The reality is that there is no shortcut to success, unless an individual just happens to achieve something by chance or circumstance, which is a rare phenomenon.

Effective self-control is a key attribute to enable one to apply delayed gratification. In my article about Self-control and Self-restraint, it was pointed out that self-control is an essential ingredient for achieving success and for living a satisfying, meaningful and moral life. In addition, research has found that self-controlled individuals are less likely to make poor decisions that could have long-lasting consequences and by avoiding making poor decisions that would have a negative impact later in life. The famous Marshmallow Experiment is a classic example of the difference between people who prefer instant gratification and those who choose delayed gratification by sacrificing today for something better tomorrow. In the Marshmallow Test, children were given the option to have one marshmallow immediately, or if they wait for 15 minutes without eating the marshmallow in front of them, they would get two marshmallows. 

A large percentage of people don’t support the concept of delayed gratification, because they rather subscribe to YOLO (You Only Live Once) which is a mantra to throw off self-restraint coupled with a philosophy of “let’s live for today and tomorrow will take care of itself”. This mantra is nothing new. Hedonistic philosophers taught ages ago that our life’s goal should be to minimize pain and maximize pleasure without regard for the future consequences of one’s decisions.  Inherent in this approach, is an unwillingness to make the necessary short-term sacrifices required to achieve meaningful longer-term goals. Some people don’t believe that much sacrifice is necessary to fulfil big dreams and goals, because they believe that life is easy and that worthwhile goals can be reached quickly without much effort and sacrifice. Based on my own life experience and observations, the easy options hardly ever work. M. Scott Peck says “Delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with. It is the only decent way to live.”  

It is however recognised that we are all different and everyone is responsible for his/her own life choices and for the consequences of his/her choices. The choices people make are influenced by a wide variety of factors, including the way we grew up, our values and principles, worldview, inherent personality traits, aptitude, the extent to which we are driven to succeed and achieve, preferences regarding work-life balance, family circumstances, faith-based beliefs, etc. The aim here is merely to share my personal experience and observations and pointing out what inevitably tends to happen in practice when certain approaches, principles and mind-sets have been chosen and others discarded.

The findings of the studies conducted in the Marshmallow Experiment make it clear that if you want to succeed at something, you will need to find the ability at some point to be disciplined and take action on a sustained basis with the end goal in mind, instead of becoming distracted and doing what’s easy and convenient. Success in nearly every field requires you to avoid doing something easier in favour of doing something harder (“doing the work and putting in the reps“) in order to achieve a desirable longer term goal, i.e. delaying gratification. 

A key take-away here is that even if you don’t believe that you’re good at delaying gratification, you can train yourself to become better at it simply by making a few small improvements. You can train your ability to delay gratification, just like we can train our muscles in the gym. You can do it in the same way, by promising yourself something small after having achieved whatever it is and then delivering on it. Keep doing it over and over again until your brain says, (1) yes, it’s worth it to wait and (2) yes, I have the capability to do this. Start with simple, small things – make your new habit “so easy, you can’t say no” and then doing it again tomorrow and the days to come until it becomes second nature. A tiny example that I have personally found works, is when you feel like having say coffee now, you consciously decide to postpone having it until you have finished a small task, i.e. rewarding yourself for finishing the task first. It is possible and you can do it! Try it!  

If you are a parent, I encourage you to assist your children to actively develop effective and consistent delayed gratification with practical day-to-day child-appropriate situations such as “you may go and play outside after you have finished your homework“.  

“Don’t give up what you want most for what you want now.” – Richard G. Scott

Menanteau Serfontein – 4 February 2021. Updated 6 January 2022.

Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment that has caused damage to a relationship that you value?

Have you ever procrastinated on an important project which had disastrous consequences on quality and the deadline not being met? 

Have you ever underperformed in an important sports event, because you didn’t train when you knew you should, but didn’t feel like it?

For most of us the answer to all three the questions will probably be “yes”. I trust that after reading this article, you will have a better understanding of what Self-Control means in practice, what the advantages are and what the consequences are of poor Self-Control.   

 Self-Control (self-discipline) is the ability to control yourself, in particular your emotions, desires and behaviour, especially in difficult situations. Self-Restraint is similar to self-control and self-discipline; it is restraint imposed by yourself on your own actions. In the interest of simplicity, the term “self-control” (encompassing self-discipline and self-restraint) will be used during the rest of the article.

“Self-control is knowing you can, but deciding you won’t.” 

From personal experience and observation as well as research findings that I have read, I have come to the realisation that self-control is an essential ingredient for achieving success and for living a satisfying, meaningful and moral life, for example:

• Achieving goals in virtually all areas of endeavour. The vast majority of people who have achieved great success, would admit that self-control, coupled with perseverance and tenacity, was one of the main factors that played a key role in reaching their goals. 
• Doing whatever has to be done to finish a task at the right standard/quality by a defined deadline, even though you prefer to do something else that would be a lot more enjoyable.
• Keep focusing on the key priorities and goals and not allowing yourself to be side-tracked by less important matters.
• Sticking diligently to your tough training programme in preparation for an important competition that you have entered for, even though you don’t feel like it at times and would have preferred to rather spend time on something else that might be a lot more fun.
• Doing what is right even when nobody is watching, irrespective of what others might say or think. This involves resisting the temptation to take the easy way out based on convenience, or to follow the crowd because you don’t want to resist group pressure, or because you do not have the courage to do the right thing. 
• Keeping your emotions under control, for example deliberately restraining yourself from becoming frustrated and irritable when something does not go your way. Other typical destructive emotional responses that should be controlled include fits of rage, abusive language, unkind words or behaviour, assaulting someone and impatience. Such responses often result in negative consequences, e.g. it robs you of your peace, souring of relationships, reputational damage and legal implications. 
• Restraining yourself from doing something inappropriate that you feel tempted to do.
• Being on your chosen realistic healthy diet and through self-control, you stick to it most of the time so that you can meet the sustainable goals that you have set for yourself. 
• Refraining from using substances that are potentially harmful or addictive.
• Resisting the temptation to watch inappropriate images on the laptop or mobile phone.
• Don’t believe conspiracy theories, fake news or false predictions about the future, without verifying its validity and accuracy/truth before making up your mind. Messages that fall into this category are often easily recognisable and it is usually better to refrain from reading or watching videos about this in the first place. 
• Avoid spending an inordinate amount of time on social media and watching television, which could potentially lead to wasting valuable time and even becoming an addiction.
• When negative/destructive and inappropriate thoughts occur in your mind, take responsibility to actively replace that way of thinking with constructive, healthy and positive thoughts of who and what you are and should be. It’s not easy, but it is indeed possible.

Research conducted by Moffitt et al. found that: (i) Self-controlled individuals are more adept than their impulsive counterparts at regulating their behavioral, emotional, and attentional impulses to achieve long-term goals. (ii) Self-control measured with observer, parent, teacher, and self-report ratings during the first ten years of life, predicts outcomes later in adulthood such as income, savings behavior, financial security, occupational prestige, physical and mental health, substance use, and (lack of) criminal convictions. (iii) Self-controlled children are less likely to make poor decisions that could have long lasting consequences and by avoiding making poor decisions, statistically explains some of the effects of self-control on adult outcomes.

Some of the advantages of effective and consistent self-control include the substantial increase in the chances of meeting the goals that you have set for yourself, a healthier lifestyle, improved mental health, being a trustworthy, reliable and honest person, feeling better about yourself, having a clear conscience, experiencing inner peace and living a life of meaning and purpose. 

Without effective and consistent self-control and restraint, you may well not be able to achieve meaningful/worthy goals and may very well lose out on the potential advantages outlined above. Proverbs 25:28 (RSV) “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

Some of the examples and criteria outlined above, may very well seem to be idealistic or even unattainable. The good news is that none of us is able to apply all of the above principles of self-control perfectly and on a consistent basis at all times. However, if we realise the importance of self-control, know what to aim for and then diligently endeavour to apply appropriate self-control in all facets of our lives, we will gradually get better it.    

In a modern world where YOLO (You Only Live Once) has become a mantra to some to throw off self-restraint, the person desiring to walk the path less travelled may find that self-control leads to a more desirable destination as shown in this article. Although we will stumble from time to time in the area of self-discipline, I want to remind you that it is like a muscle that can be strengthened incrementally over time as you gradually focus your willpower in new areas of your life.  Celebrate the small wins and over time you will marvel at your growth in mastering your self-discipline.

Although some people inherently have more self-control than others, research has found that effective self-control can be cultivated and strengthened to become a habit and a way of life. Give it a try! 

If you are a parent, I encourage you to assist your children to actively develop effective and consistent self-control.  

Menanteau Serfontein – 29 January 2021

Humility is the quality of having a modest (unassuming) approach to one’s position, importance, achievements and abilities and being sensitive to the needs and feelings of others.

The BIG ME is a person who is characterised by an exclusive focus on himself/“ME” and seeing himself as much larger than he really is (inflated ego). The BIG ME also tends to be typified by selfishness, narcissism, “big talk”, boasting, looking down upon others, disregard for the dignity of others, often humiliating people and a low level of emotional intelligence (EQ).

It is good to have a healthy self-respect and confidence in one’s abilities and skills. It is also good to have belief in one’s ability to succeed.  A healthy self-respect and self-confidence should be accompanied by humility. Although there are always exceptions, there is a general tendency that exceptional achievers who engender the greatest respect and admiration from others are usually the ones whose self-belief, abilities and achievements go hand in hand with genuine humility.

There is nothing wrong with playful banter amongst friends or the usual “challenges” amongst supporters when sports teams compete. Do your best to avoid falling into the trap of the BIG ME. There are risks associated with blowing your own trumpet, boasting and “big talk”. There is a saying that reads “empty cans make the biggest noise”. The preferred approach is that one’s actions and ultimate achievements should speak for itself. It becomes extremely embarrassing when someone boasts in advance that he is going to win, but then fails miserably. What tends to happen, is that the more you boast and gloat in advance, the more people would wish that you fail (“schadenfreude”).

“Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honour.” – Proverbs 18:12

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” – Proverbs 11:2

The big talkers tend to think that their talking or their threats will unsettle their opponents and make them quiver. In fact, it usually has exactly the opposite effect. Instead of becoming afraid, the opposition gets “psyched up” and inspired to try even harder in order to prove a point.

There is generally a lot more admiration for someone who quietly works hard at something with dedication and perseverance and then to celebrate victory afterwards. Most people dislike someone who is regarded as a loud mouth and a big talker without much substance, who would often falter when the “tyre hits the road”.

We should all realise that it is not just about “ME” and my needs and wants. We should also consider the needs of others (individuals as well as communities) and reach out to them with kindness, understanding, dignity, compassion, love and generosity.

Ideally, all of us  should get involved in at least one thing or cause of genuine significance/meaning that is bigger than ourselves and in the interest of the common good. This is one of the ways to follow a path less travelled and living an extraordinary life.

Menanteau Serfontein – 22 January 2021

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful and appreciative.

We all know people who are never satisfied with what they have. In extreme cases, such people are always disgruntled and keep comparing themselves against others.

Daily thankfulness and thanksgiving for what we have, helps us to focus on what we do have instead of what we do not have. It facilitates peace of mind and helps to protect us against running after “nice to haves”, not because we need it, but because others have it and therefore I must also have the same.

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more?”  (Roy T. Bennett)

(Almost half of the world population — over three billion people — live on a few US Dollars a day. Be grateful for what you have!)

Menanteau Serfontein – 14 January 2021

• Empathy means to understand and experience the feelings/emotions of another (as if you are experiencing it yourself).
• Compassion means sympathetic, having pity/empathy and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

Some people are naturally empathetic and compassionate and others appear to be lacking in these areas. The reasons for this are complex. The ideal is that everyone should at least have some degree of empathy and compassion. Often, people who lack empathy and compassion only learn the need for it when they themselves go through traumatic tragedy or difficulties during which they experience the need and value of an empathetic and compassionate person providing understanding and comfort.

A lack of empathy and compassion is often applicable when we are so self-absorbed that we don’t even notice that someone else is going through trying times and is in need of empathy and compassion. Sometimes we realise that empathy and compassion are required, but have no idea how to provide it.

Some people will always be better than others at being empathetic and compassionate, however it is important that those of us who lack this ability should recognise it and then develop a measure of empathy and compassion. This is important, because the willingness and ability to be empathetic and compassionate when it is needed, form an essential part of humanity, i.e. demonstrating that you truly understand (as if you were in that person’s shoes), and that you genuinely care.

Menanteau Serfontein – 7 January 2021

Kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.

Kindness is a choice which can be cultivated. It is a character issue and tends to flow from what is already going on in your inner self. If you have a victim mentality, then the extent of your kindness will depend largely on what is going on around you, i.e. the circumstances. The healthy and mature approach is to be kind irrespective of the circumstances, because it is part and parcel of who you are.

That does not mean that one should not be assertive or that one should be a pushover, or to accommodate things like poor service. If kindness is dependent on circumstance, our behaviour will be erratic and unpredictable which results in people who trust in and depend on us, becoming unsettled and confused, not knowing what to expect next.

Ideally, we should take responsibility for ourselves and make kindness (instead of rudeness) towards ourselves and others, the preferred way of interacting. When this happens, people will tend to feel safe with us and will tend to trust us, resulting in us being able to be a calming influence and playing the role of peacemakers rather than creating storms, turmoil and conflict.

It sometimes becomes necessary in certain instances, to be “cruel to be kind”, e.g.  to honestly convey an uncomfortable fact to someone that will be to the benefit of the person concerned. It might for example assist the individual to view something in a different light or to start doing certain things differently. The manner in which this is done is essential and the ideal would be to convey the message in a kind and caring way without beating about the bush.

Kindness is often most effective when someone is taught how to fish, rather than giving the person a fish.

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Menanteau Serfontein – 29 December 2020. Updated 14 December 2021.

Respect means due regard/consideration/thoughtfulness for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.

Honour means high respect; great esteem; high regard.

Dignity is the state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.

My impression is that there seems to be growing evidence of many people tending to regard and deal with others in ways that display a gross absence of respect and a lack of honouring the dignity of others. This happens amongst ordinary people, as well as in business, sports and politics (to mention just a few), where people are openly referred to in humiliating and derogatory terms of the worst kind, using various platforms including speeches, interviews and social media.

Words matter. Many people seem to believe that they are fully entitled to express their feelings and views without taking into consideration circumstances, timing and the extent to which their comments might be insensitive and hurtful and even unbecoming, condescending, derogatory, callous and without decorum. In such instances, one cannot help but come to the conclusion that the person who made such utterances was only interested in “getting something off his/her chest”. This is  often done in the belief that it would make “me” feel better, without careful prior consideration given to the feelings of others nor the possible reaction to and consequences of, the content and the manner in which the statement was going to be expressed. There are even cases where the perpetrators of damaging utterances deliberately follow through with their statements, knowing full well what the implications might be, because their objective is to intentionally hurt the other party or damage his/her reputation. This type of approach could also be an attempt to divert the attention away from the issues that they themselves are perhaps accused of or struggling with.

This type of tendency is probably to a large extent related to the growing pre-occupation with “me” and the erroneous impression that “the world revolves around me”, because “I am so special”. Of course everyone is special in their own unique way, but don’t think that you are more special than the next person. Everyone’s uniqueness and dignity should be respected and utterances about someone else should be made in such a way that it is not done to the detriment of the person’s dignity.

In my opinion, the notion of honouring one’s father and mother remains as relevant today as it was thousands of years ago irrespective of one’s religious persuasion. This principle is a cornerstone of the general concept of treating others with respect, honour and dignity; if someone does not even respect and honour his/her parents and treat them with dignity, why would such a person treat anyone else on that basis? I am dealing here with the general principle, realising that there could be exceptions where parents are guilty of abuse, neglect, etc.

In many instances, children seem to have no or little respect for their parents. This can be seen in the way that they speak to their parents, lack of obedience to the reasonable rules and boundaries imposed by the parents and in extreme cases, rebellion against the parents. When parents are not respected, it is almost inevitable that such children will not respect anyone else in authority, e.g. teachers and coaches and then later in life those in authority in the world of work.

As parents, we should likewise treat our children with respect and dignity, even when we are disciplining/admonishing our child. I would even go further and suggest that we should teach our children that “the least are the most”. I believe that the way we treat those who are at the lowest status of the world’s social hierarchy is an indication of the extent to which we are prepared to truly treat others with respect and dignity. If we treat those with high standing in society with respect owing to their status, but disregard and disrespect the beggar or the person who cleans the toilet, then we are on the wrong track.

In the workplace, there are various instances where employees are unwilling or reluctant to submit to the legitimate authority of their managers. It is acceptable to disagree with those in authority, but the way in which disagreement is raised is key. Disagreement should be approached with the necessary respect for the position of the person in authority and also honouring the person’s the dignity. Supervisors and managers should in turn also treat their employees with respect and due regard for their dignity.

In principle, the position of someone in authority such as a manager, should be respected and employees should submit to such authority. I am not in the least suggesting that employees should accept and submit to unlawful instructions and unacceptable behaviour such as misconduct. However, open rebellion, disrespect and undermining someone in authority without good reason, should be avoided.

As a general principle, people should submit to the legislated laws of a given country. If one disagrees with certain elements of legislation, there are normally suitable ways and means available to challenge those aspects in a dignified manner. What is not acceptable is a situation where people deliberately disregard and break laws/rules and promoting rebelliousness, lawlessness and anarchy.

If respect, honour and dignity form a fundamental part of our values and principles and if we live by it, we would tend to apply it across the board to all people no matter who they are and what their social standing is, including the beggar, the elderly, women and children. If so, the abhorrent violence and abuse against women and children such as assault, rape, sexual harassment, child abuse and child molestation, would not be nearly as rife as it is today.

The value and habit of “good manners” forms part of the concept of respect, honour and dignity, i.e. being courteous, polite and honourable in the manner in which we deal with others.

Treat others in the way that you would like to be treated. One of the positive consequences of treating people with respect, honour and dignity is that most people will tend to treat you in the same way. If you don’t treat others in this way, then you should expect to be treated with disrespect in return.

When people treat you disrespectfully, go out of your way not to do the same in return. Don’t allow yourself to be pulled down to that level, but rather dig deep, choosing the moral high ground and rising above it. By responding respectfully, it would normally “disarm” the person and make it very difficult for him to persevere with his disrespectful approach. In fact, in many cases the person would change his demeanour. If he doesn’t, the chances are good that he would feel terrible afterwards and might even apologise. But whatever the other person does or does not do, try your best to keep saying and doing what you know is right and honourable.

Other virtues associated with honour and dignity include courage, valour, bravery and defending your own, e.g. your wife and children. The opposite of courage and bravery is cowardice which should be regarded as vile. It is recognised that there are situations where it is inappropriate to “turn the other cheek”. Wisdom is required to know the difference and to be able to quickly decide what is the most appropriate course of action.

The more you think deeply about these types of issues and the more you get into the habit of choosing the most desirable options that are in accordance with the values and principles that you hold dear, the easier it becomes and eventually it will become a habit.