Respect, Honour and Dignity

Menanteau Serfontein – 29 December 2020. Updated 14 December 2021.

Respect means due regard/consideration/thoughtfulness for the feelings, wishes, or rights of others.

Honour means high respect; great esteem; high regard.

Dignity is the state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.

My impression is that there seems to be growing evidence of many people tending to regard and deal with others in ways that display a gross absence of respect and a lack of honouring the dignity of others. This happens amongst ordinary people, as well as in business, sports and politics (to mention just a few), where people are openly referred to in humiliating and derogatory terms of the worst kind, using various platforms including speeches, interviews and social media.

Words matter. Many people seem to believe that they are fully entitled to express their feelings and views without taking into consideration circumstances, timing and the extent to which their comments might be insensitive and hurtful and even unbecoming, condescending, derogatory, callous and without decorum. In such instances, one cannot help but come to the conclusion that the person who made such utterances was only interested in “getting something off his/her chest”. This is  often done in the belief that it would make “me” feel better, without careful prior consideration given to the feelings of others nor the possible reaction to and consequences of, the content and the manner in which the statement was going to be expressed. There are even cases where the perpetrators of damaging utterances deliberately follow through with their statements, knowing full well what the implications might be, because their objective is to intentionally hurt the other party or damage his/her reputation. This type of approach could also be an attempt to divert the attention away from the issues that they themselves are perhaps accused of or struggling with.

This type of tendency is probably to a large extent related to the growing pre-occupation with “me” and the erroneous impression that “the world revolves around me”, because “I am so special”. Of course everyone is special in their own unique way, but don’t think that you are more special than the next person. Everyone’s uniqueness and dignity should be respected and utterances about someone else should be made in such a way that it is not done to the detriment of the person’s dignity.

In my opinion, the notion of honouring one’s father and mother remains as relevant today as it was thousands of years ago irrespective of one’s religious persuasion. This principle is a cornerstone of the general concept of treating others with respect, honour and dignity; if someone does not even respect and honour his/her parents and treat them with dignity, why would such a person treat anyone else on that basis? I am dealing here with the general principle, realising that there could be exceptions where parents are guilty of abuse, neglect, etc.

In many instances, children seem to have no or little respect for their parents. This can be seen in the way that they speak to their parents, lack of obedience to the reasonable rules and boundaries imposed by the parents and in extreme cases, rebellion against the parents. When parents are not respected, it is almost inevitable that such children will not respect anyone else in authority, e.g. teachers and coaches and then later in life those in authority in the world of work.

As parents, we should likewise treat our children with respect and dignity, even when we are disciplining/admonishing our child. I would even go further and suggest that we should teach our children that “the least are the most”. I believe that the way we treat those who are at the lowest status of the world’s social hierarchy is an indication of the extent to which we are prepared to truly treat others with respect and dignity. If we treat those with high standing in society with respect owing to their status, but disregard and disrespect the beggar or the person who cleans the toilet, then we are on the wrong track.

In the workplace, there are various instances where employees are unwilling or reluctant to submit to the legitimate authority of their managers. It is acceptable to disagree with those in authority, but the way in which disagreement is raised is key. Disagreement should be approached with the necessary respect for the position of the person in authority and also honouring the person’s the dignity. Supervisors and managers should in turn also treat their employees with respect and due regard for their dignity.

In principle, the position of someone in authority such as a manager, should be respected and employees should submit to such authority. I am not in the least suggesting that employees should accept and submit to unlawful instructions and unacceptable behaviour such as misconduct. However, open rebellion, disrespect and undermining someone in authority without good reason, should be avoided.

As a general principle, people should submit to the legislated laws of a given country. If one disagrees with certain elements of legislation, there are normally suitable ways and means available to challenge those aspects in a dignified manner. What is not acceptable is a situation where people deliberately disregard and break laws/rules and promoting rebelliousness, lawlessness and anarchy.

If respect, honour and dignity form a fundamental part of our values and principles and if we live by it, we would tend to apply it across the board to all people no matter who they are and what their social standing is, including the beggar, the elderly, women and children. If so, the abhorrent violence and abuse against women and children such as assault, rape, sexual harassment, child abuse and child molestation, would not be nearly as rife as it is today.

The value and habit of “good manners” forms part of the concept of respect, honour and dignity, i.e. being courteous, polite and honourable in the manner in which we deal with others.

Treat others in the way that you would like to be treated. One of the positive consequences of treating people with respect, honour and dignity is that most people will tend to treat you in the same way. If you don’t treat others in this way, then you should expect to be treated with disrespect in return.

When people treat you disrespectfully, go out of your way not to do the same in return. Don’t allow yourself to be pulled down to that level, but rather dig deep, choosing the moral high ground and rising above it. By responding respectfully, it would normally “disarm” the person and make it very difficult for him to persevere with his disrespectful approach. In fact, in many cases the person would change his demeanour. If he doesn’t, the chances are good that he would feel terrible afterwards and might even apologise. But whatever the other person does or does not do, try your best to keep saying and doing what you know is right and honourable.

Other virtues associated with honour and dignity include courage, valour, bravery and defending your own, e.g. your wife and children. The opposite of courage and bravery is cowardice which should be regarded as vile. It is recognised that there are situations where it is inappropriate to “turn the other cheek”. Wisdom is required to know the difference and to be able to quickly decide what is the most appropriate course of action.

The more you think deeply about these types of issues and the more you get into the habit of choosing the most desirable options that are in accordance with the values and principles that you hold dear, the easier it becomes and eventually it will become a habit.

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